An alternate title to this post could be "The Chase: when to realize the race is over" Okay, that's not a very good title, and that's probably why the title is actually "learning to let go."
I have high hopes, and as some of my zodiac traits claim, I'm clingy, instinctive, and moody. As long as I think I have a chance, I'm going to try and I'm going to keep trying until it's clearly, written in stone, and delivered to me as if it were a gourmet dish that I ordered at a place that has a wait staff to bring it to you and place it down on a table in front of your face and say "here you are sir, here is your food." ... As long as I'm interested in a female and have repeatedly envisioned us being a couple and doing couple-like activities and as long as I know she's single, in my mind, I have a chance. That is, until that waiter brings me a complimentary, on the house dish of "let that sh*+ go dude." With a glass of "it isn't worth it, something better is on the way." Along with "all you wanted was sex" off the dessert menu.
In college I met a woman that was so beautiful, I would've married her before the end of the semester. So beautiful, that whenever we got on the phone I would just ramble on about nothing. So beautiful, that we would lose contact for years, and when we would reconnect, I would continue my chase. I was in love, and lust over her. I was really trying to marry her, but she was never interested in me that way. Once we lost contact I would always try to convince myself that I don't need her, but when I would come within an arms reach and an ears length, I would tell her I miss her to the point that she would just hang up the phone and not answer me anymore. I wasted SO much time and energy on her.
Last year (2013), {pause for the backstory} There was a meeting at church with a group of about 6 people of the Media Ministry, Pastor, and First Lady. Pastor was explaining his goals and visions for us going forward and what role he wanted each person in the meeting to play. I knew everyone in the room except 2 people, 2 women. One I figured was married, or at least had children (I'm kinda good and picking them out) and the other I couldn't get a solid read on. After the meeting I met up with the second woman briefly in the area of where the camera riser was going to be and we introduced ourselves. Then she left. I stood there watching this beautiful and wonderfully made, crafted by the hands of God body of work walk out the door. And for at least 2 months, I went to church not only to do my duties within my area, but to look for this woman that I HAD to have in my life, and then we met after bible study one evening. We talked for a total of about 3 hours that night, in person and later on the phone. Few days go by and we plan a date, swimming in the pool in the gym by my job (I honestly don't remember how we picked this, but whatever)
So we go on a date, and we're talking about life, love, past relationships, you know all the norms. Come to find out, we have mutual friends, my former publicist is her cousin (how ironic) Everything is going great; we're swimming, talking it up, really bonding. She gets in the hot tub/jacuzzi (whatever you call it) I follow her, then I give her a foot/leg massage. Side note: As a person that used to have a foot fetish, I don't touch women's feet bruh, I stay away from that. I didn't massage my last 3 girlfriends feet, but here I am, on my first date with this woman, in the hot tub/jacuzzi (whatever you call it) and I'm rubbing her feet. So swim date is over and we go grab a bite to eat, more talking, more bonding. She brings me home, (I didn't have a car at the time), I invite her in to see my garage/studio apartment and I didn't want her to leave. Apart of me wanted to see the rest of her minus the bathing suit. She leaves; calls me about an hour later and we're still talking, more bonding. Then she drops some bullsh*+ in my lap: while running errands before our date, she met another guy and after checking him out on facebook she learns that we're cousins. "Nah I'm cool with you talking to him, I mean I guess, I don't know."
So a day goes by, we don't talk. We catch up the following day and she shoots me in the chest with a note that says "I think I want to pursue a relationship with your cousin" Needless to say I'm f**king stunned. This hurts. I damn near fell out with my cousin. I'm telling him stuff like "man don't do it, I really like her man. Like it's a strong like" His rationale was "We all single and we all grown" I agree, but don't play me like this right now fam. They dated for 90 days (if that) - end backstory -
After all of that, I STILL PURSUED THIS GIRL. Every opportunity I got to talk to her in person or dive in her inbox on Facebook, I was letting her know that "I'm still here whenever you wanna stop bulls**ting with them other dudes." I kept this up for about 3 or 4 months until a delivery driver showed up at my door with 2 boxes that I had to sign for. One box was a pack of "let that sh*+ go dude." The other box contained a big bottle of "it isn't worth it, something better is on the way."
Which brings me to the girl this post was created about. Another woman I met at church, another woman with all the physical qualities that I want that would keep me at home and would give me no reason at all to look at other women. We exchange numbers, we talk, she comes over, more talking. I'm not sure how to pursue this, I've never really got the chance to date people from church. Do I act nice aka "like a good Christian man", or do I let my out of church personality show? I.D.K. We talk, she's younger than the age I'm looking for and she has a child. Double negative on what I'm looking for in life right now, but she's fine and has a gorgeous face. I'm low-key turned off by her, "I don't want a real job, I want to make a million dollars, I'ma get it however I can get it" type of attitude. She's ambitious which I like, but inviting me to a pyramid scheme meeting and not talking to me after I don't want to give money to and make money for other people is wack. So we stop talking, until recently. She likes me a little, but she has me in what I'm calling the "church box." It's like the friend zone but worse. She keeps calling me "Brother Wes" because I'm like a "brother." Talking about sex with me is "gross" and she "can't see herself having sex with me" gotdammit!! The final straw for me came recently, after I texted her "have a good night at work boo." She texted back "I'm not your boo. Thanks" What was said after that is irrelevant. Just know that after a day of thinking about it, I fixed myself some "let that sh*+ go dude." With a cup of "all you wanted was sex" to wash it down.
Sometimes you have to know when to let go and stop holding on because of what could be. If all our thoughts played out into reality most of the world would be well off and peaceful. What you think you might want to happen and what actually has to happen are 2 different things at the end of the spectrum. Your plans are sometimes never God's plans and if you don't believe in God then your plans sometimes aren't want life has planned for you. Suck it up and deal with it, let it go. Let them go. Actually listen to the words of Teddy P's Love TKO
For anyone reading this I found an article about letting go of control: How to Learn the Art of Surrender.
And another article about why we as men, need to stop chasing and start pursuing and in pursuing start being persistent and consistent (this is a pretty lengthy read, but it looks like it's worth it. At the time of this writing, I haven't gotten through the whole thing)
Ed note: I didn't post this when I wanted to initially, but I finished reading the article about chasing and it's damn good.
As always,
Thanks for reading
- Wes Beez
In college I met a woman that was so beautiful, I would've married her before the end of the semester. So beautiful, that whenever we got on the phone I would just ramble on about nothing. So beautiful, that we would lose contact for years, and when we would reconnect, I would continue my chase. I was in love, and lust over her. I was really trying to marry her, but she was never interested in me that way. Once we lost contact I would always try to convince myself that I don't need her, but when I would come within an arms reach and an ears length, I would tell her I miss her to the point that she would just hang up the phone and not answer me anymore. I wasted SO much time and energy on her.
Last year (2013), {pause for the backstory} There was a meeting at church with a group of about 6 people of the Media Ministry, Pastor, and First Lady. Pastor was explaining his goals and visions for us going forward and what role he wanted each person in the meeting to play. I knew everyone in the room except 2 people, 2 women. One I figured was married, or at least had children (I'm kinda good and picking them out) and the other I couldn't get a solid read on. After the meeting I met up with the second woman briefly in the area of where the camera riser was going to be and we introduced ourselves. Then she left. I stood there watching this beautiful and wonderfully made, crafted by the hands of God body of work walk out the door. And for at least 2 months, I went to church not only to do my duties within my area, but to look for this woman that I HAD to have in my life, and then we met after bible study one evening. We talked for a total of about 3 hours that night, in person and later on the phone. Few days go by and we plan a date, swimming in the pool in the gym by my job (I honestly don't remember how we picked this, but whatever)
So we go on a date, and we're talking about life, love, past relationships, you know all the norms. Come to find out, we have mutual friends, my former publicist is her cousin (how ironic) Everything is going great; we're swimming, talking it up, really bonding. She gets in the hot tub/jacuzzi (whatever you call it) I follow her, then I give her a foot/leg massage. Side note: As a person that used to have a foot fetish, I don't touch women's feet bruh, I stay away from that. I didn't massage my last 3 girlfriends feet, but here I am, on my first date with this woman, in the hot tub/jacuzzi (whatever you call it) and I'm rubbing her feet. So swim date is over and we go grab a bite to eat, more talking, more bonding. She brings me home, (I didn't have a car at the time), I invite her in to see my garage/studio apartment and I didn't want her to leave. Apart of me wanted to see the rest of her minus the bathing suit. She leaves; calls me about an hour later and we're still talking, more bonding. Then she drops some bullsh*+ in my lap: while running errands before our date, she met another guy and after checking him out on facebook she learns that we're cousins. "Nah I'm cool with you talking to him, I mean I guess, I don't know."
So a day goes by, we don't talk. We catch up the following day and she shoots me in the chest with a note that says "I think I want to pursue a relationship with your cousin" Needless to say I'm f**king stunned. This hurts. I damn near fell out with my cousin. I'm telling him stuff like "man don't do it, I really like her man. Like it's a strong like" His rationale was "We all single and we all grown" I agree, but don't play me like this right now fam. They dated for 90 days (if that) - end backstory -
After all of that, I STILL PURSUED THIS GIRL. Every opportunity I got to talk to her in person or dive in her inbox on Facebook, I was letting her know that "I'm still here whenever you wanna stop bulls**ting with them other dudes." I kept this up for about 3 or 4 months until a delivery driver showed up at my door with 2 boxes that I had to sign for. One box was a pack of "let that sh*+ go dude." The other box contained a big bottle of "it isn't worth it, something better is on the way."
Which brings me to the girl this post was created about. Another woman I met at church, another woman with all the physical qualities that I want that would keep me at home and would give me no reason at all to look at other women. We exchange numbers, we talk, she comes over, more talking. I'm not sure how to pursue this, I've never really got the chance to date people from church. Do I act nice aka "like a good Christian man", or do I let my out of church personality show? I.D.K. We talk, she's younger than the age I'm looking for and she has a child. Double negative on what I'm looking for in life right now, but she's fine and has a gorgeous face. I'm low-key turned off by her, "I don't want a real job, I want to make a million dollars, I'ma get it however I can get it" type of attitude. She's ambitious which I like, but inviting me to a pyramid scheme meeting and not talking to me after I don't want to give money to and make money for other people is wack. So we stop talking, until recently. She likes me a little, but she has me in what I'm calling the "church box." It's like the friend zone but worse. She keeps calling me "Brother Wes" because I'm like a "brother." Talking about sex with me is "gross" and she "can't see herself having sex with me" gotdammit!! The final straw for me came recently, after I texted her "have a good night at work boo." She texted back "I'm not your boo. Thanks" What was said after that is irrelevant. Just know that after a day of thinking about it, I fixed myself some "let that sh*+ go dude." With a cup of "all you wanted was sex" to wash it down.
Sometimes you have to know when to let go and stop holding on because of what could be. If all our thoughts played out into reality most of the world would be well off and peaceful. What you think you might want to happen and what actually has to happen are 2 different things at the end of the spectrum. Your plans are sometimes never God's plans and if you don't believe in God then your plans sometimes aren't want life has planned for you. Suck it up and deal with it, let it go. Let them go. Actually listen to the words of Teddy P's Love TKO
For anyone reading this I found an article about letting go of control: How to Learn the Art of Surrender.
And another article about why we as men, need to stop chasing and start pursuing and in pursuing start being persistent and consistent (this is a pretty lengthy read, but it looks like it's worth it. At the time of this writing, I haven't gotten through the whole thing)
Ed note: I didn't post this when I wanted to initially, but I finished reading the article about chasing and it's damn good.
As always,
Thanks for reading
- Wes Beez